And now, a song!

Somewhere on my Sherlockian bucket list is one day finally making it out to an ASH luncheon . . . or dinner . . . or brunch. The Adventuresses of Sherlock Holmes have been known for their soirees for as long as I've been a fan of the great detective. You never know what's going to come out of an ASH event -- other than that somebody sure seemed to have some fun.

When the summer issue of The Serpentine Muse showed up in the mail today, I got to read of one of those little ASH treats, a tribute in song to TV's Elementary, by Karen Wilson. I'd heard good things about it along the Sherlockian grapevine, but the actual lyrics, meant to be sung to the tune of Frozen's "Let It Go" had a really great build to it . . . along with the line, "Watch the show, even though, in Peoria, it's panned."

Well, given that I'm Peoria's panner-in-chief when it comes to Elementary, and given that Sherlockiana has a long, rich history of songs being written in response to other Sherlockian songs . . . well, you know I had to come up with my own tuneful tribute to Elementary . . . from perhaps a slightly different angle.

And given that the original was created from a popular Disney tune, it seemed only appropriate to pick a popular little Disney tune from a bit further back. And so, without further ado, allow me to present:

The Elementarys . . . 
(Sung to the tune of "The Bare Necessities," from the movie The Jungle Book.)

Look out for Elementarys,

Those network shows, not NBC’s,

Designed to numb your Thursday evening strife!

Beware of Elementarys,

Those funky clones of the BBC’s

Attempt to bring old Sherlock Holmes to life.

Whenever I turn on, I see a cop show

With a brand new Watson, whose balls had to go!

The bees are buzzing’ on the roof

Yet I still don’t think that’s the proof . . . 

When Mycroft’s smart as a rock or plant

And then he gets into Watson’s pants . . .

Oh, please don't try this, too!

Those Elementarys each week will brainwash you!

They’ll brainwash you!

Look out for Elementarys,

Those scary Elementarys,

Forget about your Sherlock, two years off!

I mean they’re Elementarys

Addiction’s a spreading disease,

They're only missing David Hasselhoff.

Now when you watch some Cushings,

Or a Jeremy Brett

And you’d like some more things

You’d better beware!

Don’t gawk at Sherlocks found in New Yawk,

Ones that have pet cocks

And no Reichenbachs.

It might be Roger Moore, old sock,

Who’s down at the dock ripe for a good mock!

Don’t you miss Without A Clue?

Those Elementarys at night will brainwash you!

They’ll brainwash you!