The curtain goes up on Elementary Theater.

And now, as a public service to all the little Elementary fans sitting cross-legged in front of their tee-vees waiting for the late-starting season premiere of their favorite show, Sherlock Peoria is proud to present our latest aid for passing that long wait . . .  Elementary Theater, starring Mr. Elementary!

Mr. Elementary: Lucy, I'm ho-ome!

Lucy: Oh, El! Did you have a good day at work?

Mr. Elementary: Richard Castle came down to NYPD today to research his next book.

Lucy: Richard Castle! Could you introduce me to him?

Mr. Elementary: Now, Lucy, I invited him to dinner, but don't go getting one of your crazy ideas about becoming his apprentice or anything.

Lucy: Oh, no! Clyde and Angus were coming over to play bridge tonight!

Clyde (entering from the kitchen with Angus): Teen-age mu-tant de-tective turtle! Teen-age mu-tant de-tective turtle! Consulting on the half-shell! Turtle Power!

Angus: Hi, Lucy! Hi, El . . . Hitler! Man, that guy sucked. Do you know what he did to guys with full head tattoos like mine? Ms. Hudson gave me a book on it today.

Mr. Elementary: Clyde, Angus, you'll have to excuse us, we . . . .

Lucy: . . . have a case, that we have to go out for! Captain Gregson just called! Yeah, that's it!

Clyde: That's too bad, we just saw Richard Castle get out of a cab out front! You're not trying to get us out of here so you can have dinner with another of your famous crossover friends are you?

Angus: I've got some novel ideas that I want to pitch Castle! Nikki Heat starts working with NYPD's house phrenologist and they track a skull-fu . . . .

Lucy: You guys have to get out of here now!

Angus: But it's a skull made of fudge! Like that crystal one Indiana Jones had, but made of fudge!

(Doorbell rings.)

Mr. Elementary: Ay-yi-yi! This is worse than the time I brought Temprance Brennan home and found you sleeping with my brother on the Shroud of Etrigan that was supposed to be on display at the Jeffersonian Museum!

Lucy: WAAAAAAAH!

Finis.

(Yeah, slow Sherlockian news day.)