If you blinked during the fourth minute of this week's episode of Elementary, you might have missed the abbreviated version of the Emmy-nominated opening credit sequence. That is, assuming you were watching and not just getting your reportage here as some do.
It's been a rather dull week, and I heard Mr. Morland Holmes was making another appearance on the show, so I thought I'd look in and see what he was up to, since he teased a whole lot of evil in the final moments of the mid-season finale. Sneak peeks on the internet today found more to tease about Mr. Elementary having both a fight and sex with someone he was questioning, but that tease was the show's tease, and he merely told Joan about his sexual exploits . . . as is about par for their relationship.
But here's the thing about Elementary . . . it is often the case that what they aren't showing you is more interesting than what they are. Mr. Elementary has a conversation with Papa Morland at the show's beginning about an attempt on Morland's life, then sets about investigating it, even though we never saw the attempt on Morland's life and Morland disappears as we head into the episode, so there's not a lot of tension worrying about future assassination attempts.
And there's the other murder procedural plot that Joan has to deal with on a separate track. And it's kind of a real snoozer this week. Halfway house call center, snobby rich people, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . .
Ah, 9:25, Morland Holmes is back.
Mr. Elementary decides "why you never asked me, the finest detective you know, for assistance" and accuses his father of suspecting Mr. Elementary of being the one who tried to kill him, then brags that Morland knows he didn't attempt patricide for one simple reason: Morland is still alive. Mr. Elementary seems to be channeling Donald Trump ego this week to make up for Trump not appearing on the Republican debates on another channel.
Okay, so we were left thinking Morland Holmes was so evil he'd kill children if it suited his purposes last month, and this month we find out his son could plausibly want to kill him. So he could take Morland's fortune to feed his heroin addiction? I'm just not getting that plot twist, but then, maybe the call center halfway house plot has left me dozey enough that it slipped by.
Wow, this is a really good Arby's commercial. They're selling something besides sandwiches and the announcer is pretty baffled at what that something is. One thing about Elementary, it really makes you appreciate the joy to be found in a good commercial.
Ow, I hope that's not my appendix. Probably a bad bit of beef. Oh, to drop dead during an episode of Elementary. I could become a Sherlockian urban legend and get a Snopes article. (Status: True)
At 9:44, Morland is back again. Maybe he'll explain something.
Everybody speaks so softly on this show. It's very soporific. Gently being lulled into slumberland. For a man suspecting his own son of trying to kill him, then deciding he was wrong and they should patch it up, even though he is kind of tossing that last part in as a passive aggressive parting shot . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Oh, Joan has headshots of telemarketers spread out on the floor. Things are really getting lively. Aaand a Powerpoint presentation. Mr. Elementary is hijacking a Powerpoint presentation. (The remote hijacking of a car last week had a lot more panache.) Wait . . . the turning point clue was a clan tartan? Well, toss my cabers! And, the murderer in Joan's procedural was the snotty rich guy we knew did it from the moment he popped on the screen.
Mr. Elementary has a little more rough fight-sex off-screen (though we get to see the tough blonde this time, at least), and . . . .
At 9:56, Morland is back to get a new clue on his attempted murder from Mr. Elementary, and a promise from that "finest detective he knows" that he'll find his attempted murderer. Morland gets a funny look . . . maybe because he's actually evil, but who the hell knows at this point.
Sooooo . . . I started this by saying it was a rather dull week, right? And Elementary has gotten me stirred up on occasion, which might have been nice. I mean, here's a show referencing the name "Sherlock Holmes" and "Watson" with no other connection to the Sherlockian Canon whatsoever for an hour tonight, right? But curiously, it's been nothing but a calming influence, mellowing out any harshness of the week.
What am I doing here again?