An alternate universe where Sherlock Holmes and company were used by a TV producer to create their own version of Gilligan's Island. A first season with thirty-six episodes paralleling those of the version that we're so familiar with. And tonight, John Watson's Island rounds the turn by finishing the first half of that first season. So, on with the show!
13. The Head Circle. When a discussion of golf clubs and the obliquity of the ecliptic gets out of hand, Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty get into a series of double-or-nothing bets on the dynamics of a golf ball as struck by Sherlock, and Sherlock Holmes winds up owning London's criminal underworld. While all of the others, except for Mycroft, approach Sherlock about how he can help London as a whole by making specific changes to the criminal empire, Moriarty engages Mycroft in a game of cards at the pub. Sure of his skills, Mycroft doesn't spot Moriarty fixing the game, and eventually Moriarty wins the Diogenes Club, British intelligence, and a goodly chunk of Central London real estate. As a favor to his brother, Sherlock trades Moriarty the underworld for the government and the island is declared a gambling-free zone.
14. The Veiled Showerer. When John is out hunting island boar, he falls into a mire and needs to clean up at the communal shower. He has to wait for Irene to finish, however, as she was there before him. Since Irene also used the shower to wash the dress she was wearing, she hands it out to dry next to the shower and heads back to her room in a towel. Sherlock comes along, sees the dress and someone showering and mistakes that person for Irene, and he confides certain personal feelings to "her." Hijinks ensue. And something about the water supply, but who really cares about that?
15. The Newgate Squire. An Australian penal colony guard whose ship was lost on its way down under in 1868 washes up on the island, convinced he has finally made it to Australia. Thinking he has found a group of escaped cons after hearing Moriarty talk about his life back in London, the guard starts subduing the castaways one by one and locking them up in a handmade cell on the beach. Eventually John Watson is the sole remaining free agent on the island and starts using tricks from his Australian boyhood to vex the guard, and sets everyone free while the guard is distracted. They lock the guard up in his own cell for the night, only to find the next morning that the river has risen during the night and the cell is floating downriver with the guard inside.
16. The Starboard Box. While Lestrade and Watson are digging a barbecue pit, they discover a locked iron treasure chest. Deciding they want to look at what's inside before any of the others, the duo tries to open it without enlisting either Sherlock Holmes or Professor Moriarty's skills. After struggling through many attempts, including a drop off a cliff and a crude explosive device, Irene Adler discovers the box and opens it with a hatpin while the two men are planning their next attempt, and they return to find it open and empty.
17. The Non-existent Patient. Gangster Jackson Biddle is dropped off on the island by his accomplices, Hayward and Moffat, with a satchel full of money. Hayward and Moffat go on downriver with their steam launch, the Norah Creina, so an anticipated police search will not turn up their ill-gotten gains. When Biddle finds the isle is inhabited, he pretends to be a doctor carrying funds to build a hospital, who just escaped river pirates. Even though Biddle has never met the Professor, Moriarty recognizes both the man and the amount from a job he planned, and tries to keep Sherlock Holmes from seeing through Biddle's story. Hijinx ensue, and Biddle barely makes it off the island with Lestrayd in chase when his friends return. The money, however, winds up in Watson's medical bag, where he will hold it to donate to a hospital when they are rescued.
18. The Seven Blazes. When over-sized flares come falling over the island one evening, Mycroft recognizes them as initial targeting flares for Project Gomorrah, the British armory's secret five-hundred-ton cannon, a gun whose projectile is an explosive large enough to destroy the entire island. The castaways contemplate their final hours, confess wacky personal secrets, and in with the dawn, a mammoth projectile falls on the center of the island . . . and does not explode. Mycroft and Moriarty work to first disable the explosive device at it's core, then attach it to a large pontoon, built to channel its force to propel the pontoon upriver to London at a high rate of speed. When Sherlock is chosen by both his brother and his arch-foe to undertake the dangerous ride, John attempts to take his place ahead of time and accidentally sets the rocket-pontoon off without having been securely seated. When the rocket-pontoon explodes dangerously close to London, the government kills Project Gomorrah and the castaways are saved.
It has long been said in Sherlockian culture, "Never have so many written so much for so few." And if you're one of the few that this little ongoing wackiness seems to be written for, bless you.
On with the show!