As my household filled with Christmas cheer this Yule, I had the following Facebooked thought:
"Think of the thing you're a biggest fan of for a moment, the thing you really call your fandom, if you have one. Now imagine if there was a time of year when you got to barrage the rest of the world with that thing the way Christmas fanboys and fangirls do. And there were names you got to call people who didn't go along with it, like "Grinch" and "Scrooge." Not complaining here, just imagining . . . "
So then I had to wonder . . . what would Sherlockians call those who wouldn't go along with tradition on such a day? I ran through the names of Scotland Yard in my head first, but we know they weren't always non-believers in Sherlock Holmes. He brought them around on many occasions, one detective at a time, and there was that classic moment when every man at the Yard wanted to shake his hand.
And then it came to me.
The Sherlockian non-believer would be a Grimesby.
"Scoundrel." "Meddler." "Busybody." "Scotland Yard jack-in-office."
Oh, a Grimesby would not believe in Sherlock Holmes at all.
In fact, we could even make "Speckled Band" our Sherlock-tide story of how the Grimesby did not believe, and then during one magical night, had the speckled snake of Sherlockmas Past come and squeeze his head into believing, just before he died, not of venom, but of shame at his disbelief.
And then all the litter Stoners down in Stonerville cheered and got married. (Stoners will really love this tale.)
Sherlock's birthday is coming up soon, you know. Better get your Sherlockian spirits going, fill the sideboard for Sherlocktide feasting, and prepare to sing "Aunt Clara" or the theme to BBC Sherlock (there are words out there somewhere!).
Because we have a word for you now if you don't.
Don't be a Grimesby!