His Lost Poem

And now, a theoretical first draft of Conan Doyle's poetical introduction to The Lost World:


I have wrought my simple plan
To make a boy from a grown man,
To give a Cumberbatch a fan,
And see Omega Watson's can
Explained as how it has a tan.

I'll spin at hearing Sherlock's span
Especially in American
With fic of Brady girl, that Jan,
Whom a Wolff might surely ban
Along with that half of her clan.

Should have wrote a guy named Dan
Who Canonically was a Sherlock stan,
Just to rhyme with words like "Iran"
And the Sussex Duchess Meghan.
He could drive old Sherlock's van.

But before this draft you pan
Wanting boys who are half man.
Just recall ol' buddy Han,
Who was hot to your old Gran,
And wish that he had played Moran.
As published by Doubleday Doran.

Have I done all that I can?
Rhyming things with the word "plan?"
Now I'm repeating again and again,
And that didn't rhyme with plan!
Oh, goddamn! Afghanistan!