Let it not be said that Sherlock Peoria is fair and
balanced, as certain lazy non-news-gathering networks like to tout themselves.
Yesterday’s bit concerned the attractions of the female upper torso in the
Sherlockian arena, so today let us discuss the lower male torso . . . because
we’re always seeing that at Sherlock Holmes fan functions.
Okay, I’m lying. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an exposed
male stomach at a Holmes meet-up, and I’ve been to a weekend symposium at a
Tampa beach resort! (There’s a wasted location on bookworms, let me tell ya.)
But that’s the past. In the future?
Well, look at the current set of Sherlock Holmeses.
Robert Downey, Jr., stripped to the waist for bare-knuckle boxing. Benedict
Cumberbatch is walking around with a sheet in “A Scandal in Belgravia.” And
that new guy is already shirtless in the promo pics. What do they all have in
common? The abs of Sherlock.
Did we ever concern ourselves with Jeremy Brett’s
abdominal development? Basil Rathbone’s? Original Sidney Paget drawing
Sherlock?
Of course not. Sherlock has been an old guy for most of
his media time. But his revival has given him a youth and vigor that demands a
decently controlled belly. The ladies like it, of course. And pretty soon the
male of the Sherlockian species will, quite naturally, have to be concerned
about his own washboard stomach as well. (Yeah, don’t think you can get away
with playing Mycroft . . . have you noticed, he’s slimming down as well?)
Of course, as most actors learn eventually, there comes a
time when you just should start keeping your shirt on. Even Downey, now 47, was
pushing it a tad in his Holmes films. But a few sit-ups shouldn’t hurt any of
us.
Get to it, lads. And “Abs of Sherlock” would make a great
exercise video, if anyone wants to look into that.
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