When last I wrote, I was headed off to the "Watsons through Time" panel, where Howard Ostrom and company held forth on the Watsons of the cinema. Which went well, enough, though Howard did encounter an Elementary fan who was prepared to write off his dislike of that show as pure sexism, which Howard countered with Joanne Woodward.
Some time later, I wandered into the "Sherlock Holmes and Dinosaurs" panel with Red Bull, rum, Coca-cola, and assorted fruit juices flowing through my veins. As the words "Are you going to blog about this?" were spoken during that period between panels, I am not going to blog about that part, but just so you know, there was that part. And it was lovely.
When anything to do with dinosaurs comes up at 221B Con this year, you know that there is one subject and one subject alone that it at hand: The Asylum Films Sherlock Holmes. This panel had a goodly share of the con's organizers on it, so you know it was a subject near and dear to their hearts. And the audience was really into it as well, a goodly share wearing dinosaur costumes. There's a lot of "ya had to be there" to this con, sad to say, so I won't try to detail the loving attention to detail that the Asylum Sherlock Holmes got in the analysis that happened in that hour, but it was pretty hysterical.
As the clock neared the strike of midnight, however, we had to scamper off, and me, I was the first one in the door for "Flash Fiction Workshop 18+" which meant this nearing-sixty lad got carded for the first time since the South Park movie came to the local cinema. What is a flash fiction workshop?
Well, let me tell you. You gather in groups of four to six (and we had a lot of groups). You get a card with one Sherlock character on it. And then a second. You get a card with a thing, another with a place, and a final card . . . if you want it . . . with a sex act. And then you are given fifteen minutes to write a story. And then you read it to your group.
My cards read:
As cards went, I was one of the luckier ones in our group. The poor girl who got a Playstation on a street corner had a real challenge on her hands. Now, I'm going to trust you here. If you're not over eighteen, you have to close this browser window this instant! This instant, I say! Yes, I mean you! Do it!
Okay, remaining adults. I am going to let you see my story, as it's way past midnight now, and I'm too tired to make good choices. I call it "The Adventure of the Cinema Lipstick." (See, I'm too tired to make good choices.) And here it is:
"I don't understand this, dear," Mrs. Hudson protested, a little too loudly for the neighboring cinema patrons. One thirteen-year-old boy in an Iron Man t-shirt was already glaring at them from the seat in front of Molly.
"Why is Robert Downey Jr. playing Sherlock in World War I?" Mrs. Hudson continued. "Were there gypsies in the resistance in World War I?"
"It's artistic license," Molly whispered back. "Guy Ritchie wanted to write a modern celebrity in a different era, I guess."
"But he's not at all like Sherlock!" Mrs. Hudson wailed. The kid ahead of them actually shushed her, and a few other people began to make British sounds of displeasure.
"Just watch," Molly whispered. "We'll talk later."
Mrs. Hudson went quiet. After a few frustrated moments, she looked around, made sure the lad ahead of them was engaged in the movie, and got out a lipstick.
At least it looked like a lipstick.
Molly heard a quiet whirring sound.
Mrs. Hudson didn't move the lipstick to her mouth. She began to lower it toward her lap.
"MRS. HUDSON!" Molly shrieked, causing the entire theater to spin their heads in her direction and make some very unpleasant comments.
Both women went stock still and dead silent, trying to look as innocent as possible. And sat that way through the rest of the movie. Later, over coffee at Baker Street, Molly brought up the matter.
"I always did fancy a quickie with that Jude Law," Mrs. Hudson replied.
Not really caring for that last line, but time ran out and I want to give you a fair report. So that's what goes on at midnight at 221B Con. There is going to be an all ages version Sunday afternoon, so you might be seeing another of these things.