E3:18. The sex blanket episode.

Mr. Elementary has a sex blanket.

And he spent the pre-credit moments of this week's episode rearranging the living room in preparation for anticipated sexual gymnastics with one of his Irregulars, who is also able to "compartmentalize," as he can.

And of course he has to explain this all to Joan Watson, who recognized the sex blanket immediately.

All this shows up in the middle of a week when internet re-reporters were echoing Stephen Moffat's quotes about his modern Sherlock Holmes not being straight or gay, living in the belief that such liasons would lesson the level of his mental faculties. It's almost like he knows Mr. Elementary.

As a cab-related murder wanders its way along, we find that Mr. Elementary is avoiding his Irregular sex partner, "Agatha." Yes, students of ye olde Sherlockian Canon, Mr. E. is dodging a woman with the same first name as Sherlock Holmes's quickly-dumped fiancee from "The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton." Is he dodging because he became engaged to her for a case? No . . . .

For as apparently sexually adept and busy as Mr. Elementary seems to be, he has a very hard time explaining what the problem is.

"She's asked for my . . . issue."

Ah, now that Kitty Winter is far in the rearview mirror, Elementary is back to working the titillation factor, while the long-suffering Joan has to somehow force interest in this worthless piece of crap she has mysteriously bonded her life to. It's no wonder that Ms. Hudson gets little work on this show -- Joan Watson sucks up all the long-suffering household presence usually reserved for Mrs. Hudson.

Oh, Agatha . . . you foolish blonde Brit. Your subplot is silly, but you do bring mention of Mr. Elementary's daddie dearest back into the picture. And you demonstrate one of the fundamental flaws of Elementary . . . that view of deductive powers as a magical genetic gift. Well, when they're not trying to show that it's something anyone can do by having Joan be a consulting detective, too.

Is it a coincidence that the "Olympus" computer software that tracks Zooss rideshare cars looks like an animation of sperm randomly moving about a really bad body diagram? Okay, maybe they don't once you've looked at them a moment, but that subplot really sends this episode a-kilter.

But Mr. Elementary considers his mind, personality and all, a burden. He is actually in pain all the time because of his genetic detective gifts. "You say I'm using my gifts, I say I'm treating them. So I can't in good conscience, pass them on to someone else." YES! LET THEM DIE WITH YOU! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN PAIN FROM YOUR AWFUL CONTRIVED PERSONA, YOU BAD XEROX! AAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!!

Excuse me. Just had a moment there. I must go spend some time in the Sherlock room now.

Well, at episode's end, Mr. Elementary puts away his sex blanket. Someday, maybe he and Sherlock can have a towel-whipping duel with sex blanket versus shock blanket, but that's the only time I'd even remotely want to see that thing again.