EDITOR'S NOTE: At his request, Don Murillo, the "Tiger of San Pedro" and "the most Canonical man in the Canon, has been reviewing CBS's Elementary for Sherlock Peoria this season. As the rest of the staff at Sherlock Peoria quit watching the show last season, we could not help but take advantage of his generous offer, but certain questions with Don Murillo's reportage have emerged. This week, Murillo's review will continue, but Sherlock Peoria is adding one of the popular "fact check" features to his work.
It is I, Don Murillo, here to discuss another week of the Elementary! And the one hundredth week at that!
This week, we learn that when Joan Watson updates her list of El Sherlocko's limits, she should put "13. Knowledge of Emoji: Nil!" El Sherlocko makes the classic mistake of calling the emoji for poop "ice cream." Ha-ha! An excellent comic start to the show, before a quantitative analyst named Russell Cole is pinned to the wall like a bug on a card with a fireplace poker.
FACT CHECK: in "The Adventure of Black Peter," sea captain Peter Carey is "pinned like a beetle on a card' to the wall with a harpoon. Sir Eustace Brackenstall of "The Adventure of the Abbey Grange" is killed with a fireplace poker, but by having his head smashed in.
As a part of NYPD "Medal Day," Captain Gregson's department is getting a commendation and Gregson wants civilian employees Joan and El Sherlocko put on the list. There is, Gregson admits, "some resistance" in the department to that thought.
FACT CHECK: Sherlock Holmes was on the list for a knighthood in 1902 and the only resistance was on the part of Sherlock himself, who refused it.
Not so fast, man of fact checking! El Sherlocko, we discover after he leaves NYPD, is trying to refuse the certificate of honor! And America has no knighthoods!
The story turns to asteroids and the possibility that Bruce Willis's skills might be needed, and Gregson thinks Joan and her partner should consult an asteroid expert in case all life on Earth is going to end. This is truly a story of much importance!
FACT CHECK: The only asteroid expert in the original Sherlock Holmes stories was Professor Moriarty, writer of The Dynamics of an Asteroid, criminal mastermind, and Holmes's arch-nemesis. Elementary's Moriarty, Irene Adler, will not appear in this episode.
The asteroid expert that Joan and El Sherlocko must see is celebrity astronomer Julius Kent, called "ambassador to the stars," who went to boarding school with El Sherlocko. El is resisting consulting Kent due to his overly arrogant personality. (That is Kent's personality that Don Murillo speaks of, and not El Sherlocko's!)
FACT CHECK: The only schoolmate of Sherlock Holmes or John H. Watson to be involved in one of their investigations was Percy Phelps of "The Adventure of the Naval Treaty." Phelps went to school with Watson, and Watson admits to bullying the boy in those much younger days.
Upon their meeting Julius, El Sherlocko's old schoolmate tells Joan that he taught El that the Earth revolved around the sun when they were eight years old.
FACT CHECK: In the second chapter of A Study in Scarlet, Sherlock Holmes toys with Dr. Watson by pretending ignorance of a popular Scottish philosopher and basic solar system function in order to make a point about his professional focus. Sherlock Holmes is an adult at the time, and basically trolling his new room-mate just a bit.
Detective Bell and Joan Watson accuse the murder victim's employer of murder while El Sherlocko sits quietly, indicating that the boss may not be guilty. And innocent is what the boss claims to be.
FACT CHECK: Scotland Yard arrested many innocents whom Sherlock Holmes would later clear. Sherlock Holmes did not follow the Yardmen down to their holding cells to talk to those arrested.
Wrong! This man of fact checking has not evidence this did not happen! Don Murillo thinks this checker of facts is showing his media bias!
Luckily, El Sherlocko takes back the spotlight by giving a speech about how accepting awards will inevitably cause him to get more and more credit for solving NYPD's cases and then they will get jealous. And then, when he is done, and Joan Watson has toddled off to bed, he sneaks in and checks Joan Watson for poison ivy in her sleep as he solves the case.
FACT CHECK: In "The Adventure of the Blanched Soldier," Sherlock Holmes calls in Sir James Saunders for an appropriate diagnosis of a skin ailment on Godfrey Emsworth.
Don Murillo very much enjoyed the scene of El Sherlock and Joan sitting on a couch in front of a staircase, and would hang a painting of it over his fireplace. Joan is in her pajamas and El Sherlocko has his top collar button perfectly in place, and it is the perfect "Elementarican Gothic."
In the end, Captain Gregson gives all the officers and detectives of his squad a speech about how bad the world is, but how they make his job worthwhile. Joan is present, but El Sherlocko comes in late and does not clap when Gregson asks that they all give themselves a hand. And the show is over.
FACT CHECK: "To his sombre and cynical spirit all popular applause was always abhorrent . . ." Dr. Watson wrote in "The Adventure of the Devil's Foot."
That Canonical fact still does not make El Sherlocko as Canonical as Don Murillo, whom it will be remembered is widely known as the most Canonical man in the Canon! And where was our friend Shinwell Johnson?
FACT CHECK: Urban dictionary defines "Canon" as "another word for official. Used quite often in fan fiction to differentiate between the official storyline in which the fan fiction is based on." Elementary's own Canon makes its characters entirely Canonical in the Elementary Canon.
PFUI! Don Murillo shall call the head office of Sherlock Peoria and demand that this fact check personage be fired from his job immediately for using the Urban Dictionary to try to say such nasty things about Don Murillo's place of importance!
FACT CHECK: Don Murillo cannot have anyone fired from the staff of Sherlock Peoria due to there being no employees of the blog site (that anyone can prove). And, in any case, I quit.
Don Murillo, the most Canonical man in the Canon, bids you not to let the door hit you on the way out, and a splendid Sunday night and Monday morning to everyone who was not fact checking Don Murillo tonight!