Saturday, September 3, 2022

A Press Release from the Fumbles Fight Night Biscuit-Hitters



The Fumbles Fight Night Biscuit-Hitters, being the predominant Sherlockian film society centering upon the classic Sherlock Holmes film, Holmes & Watson, is filing a protest today against the Legion of Zoom for refusing to include the movie Holmes & Watson in their competition "HOUNDAMANIA!"

The Legion of Zoom has thus far made no public comment on their reason for this offhand dismissal of the greatest exemplar of theatrical Sherlock Holmes adaptations in recent years, and the Fumbles Fight Night Biscuit-Hitters president, also known as "the Chair" after John Watson's weapon of choice in their favorite film, has raised several points as to why Holmes & Watson should have been included in HOUNDAMANIA.

Described as "a virtual Battle Royale to determine the best version of the classic Hound of the Baskerville (sic) story by Arthur Conan Doyle (more sic, it was Watson who wrote it)," this tournament of film and video, HOUNDAMANIA, includes such supposed "adaptations" of The Hound of the Baskervilles as episodes of Elementary and Sherlock that have less to do with the novel than Holmes & Watson. Does Inspector Lestrade appear in The Hound of the Baskervilles? Does he also appear in Holmes & Watson? Of course! 

The Chair has said that there is an obvious prejudice against Holmes & Watson by dog-lovers who feel an unreasonable antipathy to the character of Millicent, who was raised by feral cats. "Ham dogs" are prominently mentioned in the film, which in some countries, is basically the equivalent of the term "hell hounds." Worst of all is the fact that HOUNDAMANIA is being promoted as guided by the lights of professional wrestling -- whilst leaving out the only Sherlock Holmes movie featuring Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson fighting a professional wrestler.

Until these cinema tyrants recant their obvious omission from their tournament and admit their obvious fear of Holmes & Watson overshadowing some lesser old Sherlock Holmes movie that they're maniacally fond of for some perverse reason, the entire membership of the Fumbles Fight Night Biscuit-Hitters has no recourse other than to boycott this HOUNDAMANIA event in protest. Even if you hear rumors that their spouse is calling for a birthday celebration that conflicts with the time the tournament is running, do not let that lessen the impact of this very important boycott protest. 

The Chair, however, encourages all non-FFNBH members to attend this  HOUNDAMANIA  and make the absence of Holmes & Watson on the card for this event known to the Legion of Zoom through protest signs, chants of "HAM DOGS! HAM DOGS!" or whatever physical gyrations they are inspired to perform in the moment.

Justice for Holmes & Watson!

P.S. Does Billy Zane appear in any of those other films being celebrated? I think not.

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