Now that we're all pretty sure that the BBC's Sherlock Christmas special is going to be Holmes and Watson back in Victorian London instead of the modern era version they so successfully pioneered, one has to wonder: Suppose . . . just suppose . . . that the bigwigs at CBS decide to go, "Hey! Let's copy Sherlock again, but make it different enough that they can't sue us! It worked once!"
What would that ensuing Elementary Christmas . . . oops, make that Thanksgiving . . . Special look like?
First, it would be set in New York City. That's where Elementary must be set, regardless of the era.
Second, that era would definitely have to be Civil War times. Why? Because it can't seem to be copying Sherlock, even though it is. And in Civil War times, the show can have Abraham Lincoln, who is referenced in the Sherlock Holmes stories, and thus makes it defensibly relatable to Sherlock Holmes for post-showing Elementary apologists.
Third, time to pull in some Wild, Wild West doo-hickeys! Remember that crazy robot mosquito? At least one steampunk element is a must!
Fourth, opium. Mr. Elementary is totally about the opium. It even makes more sense for his wealthy father to hire an Asian expert in opium addiction as a nursemaid for his man-child son, which which helps deal with the whole "woman of Chinese descent in Civil War times" issue of squeezing her into that sexist, racist time as a Watson.
Fifth, well, speaking of which, things might be a little rough for Detective Bell in this Thanksgiving Special. And Captain Gregson has to be Irish, which makes him slightly more interesting.
Sixth, what about the mystery? Ah, it's a CBS procedural, who really cares? Feed some random Civil War facts into the formula and you've got that part.
Seventh, Irene Adler turns out to be Jamie Moriarty, who then turns out to be Queen Victoria herself! Only in her early forties, the genius monarch had a lot of other sidelines going to keep herself from getting bored in the palace. And, what the heck, if Mr. Elementary can't recognize he's sleeping with a criminal mastermind, he might as well not recognize he's sleeping with the royal MILF. (And a Natalie Dormer version of Queen Victoria? I'll buy that for a dollar!)
Eighth, Mycroft doesn't appear in this Elementary Thanksgiving episode, because he sucks. Gareth Lestrade can appear, however, because he's cool. But he has to be Irish, too.
Ninth, as a subplot, Lewis Carroll meets Clyde the turtle and says he wants to include him in a story he's working on. Maybe it's the opening five minutes before the credits, which often has nothing to do with anything else.
And tenth, and last, somebody named Professor Presbury will appear, but he will be an astronomer who sculpts. Why? Traditions must be honored, and one new "in name only" character from the Canon of Sherlock Holmes must appear to make it an official Elementary special.
All things considered, a Civil War Elementary Thanksgiving Special would have to be the show's highest ratings booster outside of the post-Super Bowl slot -- I'll bet you an Angus bust!
Go for it, CBS!