T'was a dark day for the Miss "Sherlock Is Like" pageant.
Instead of the usual theater full of hopefuls, parading across a brightly lit stage, sparkling like the Sherlock-diamonds-in-the-rough they are, this evening's contestant list was simply that . . . a list.
Read by a disheartened pageant spokesperson, who had obviously spent the better part of his time beginning his NaNoWritMo novel instead of starting a Movember moustache, (You can only do one, you know. State law!) the list was of all the candidates who had been disqualified for a variety of reasons.
"Peter Cushing. Played Sherlock Holmes due to a genetic anomaly that makes him look like Sherlock Holmes. DNA disqualification."
"Gregory House. Thought the name 'House' was a valid connection to Sherlock Holmes. Bad pun disqualification. Also, Wilson."
"Arthur Conan Doyle. Has made so much off of Sherlock Holmes already that his appearance here is just plain greedy. Family member disqualification."
"Eugene Vidocq. Sherlock Holmes hated that guy. Mistaken-for-Lecoq disqualification."
"John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr. Over-the-character-limit disqualification."
"Elon Musk. Elon Musk. Elon Musk disqualification."
Rejoin us tomorrow for the final preliminary round, where, hopefully, we'll at least get to see a little more of the contestants without buying the book Sherlock Holmes Is Like, edited by Christopher Redmond, which you really should buy anyway, just to read the work of some great writers like Lyn Adams, Ashley Polasek, Daniel Stashower, Joanne Chaix, Ian Bennett, and Carlina de la Cova, none of whom got the treatment they deserved in this pageant.
Beauty pageants always have their issues, don't they?