Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Halloween "Sherlock Holmes Is Like" Sexy-off

'Tis late Halloween night, and you know what that means . . . .

Ghouls? Ghosts? Demons? Don't be so old dark ages, this is 2018. As we approach the midnight hour of Halloween in these, the new dark ages?

Sexy whatever costumes. And as we've been approaching Sherlock Holmes Is Like, that latest collection edited by Christopher Redmond as a beauty pageant on these pages, why not go full-on sexy costume tonight? And as it is 2018, let's exploit the male form when we do it.

Which means we have to turn to page 146, and Mike Ranieri's essay on that classic sexy costumed figure, the Batman! Is Batman sexy like Sherlock Holmes? Well, I feel like Mike is leaving out half of Batman's sexy one-two punch. In order to be sexy like Sherlock, you can't just go full Batman. You have to merge him with Bruce Wayne, that upper class, devil-may-care playboy that the Batman keeps walled off in the mode of either/or. Sherlock is Batman sexy and Bruce Wayne sexy put together. Get with it, Batman.

Who's next, who's next . . . Odysseus? Oh, Adrian Nebbett shows off Odysseus's hiatus, and his quality of disguise, but can we discuss the shirtless abs and pecs on the traditional movie figure? All those Greek muscles and tan . . . wait a minute, Sherlock isn't tan or buff! He's classic heroin chic sexy. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Odysseus! Get thy pumped-up bod outa here!

Hamlet is a little more of the sexy Sherlock build. Those little Shakespearean tights . . . Wendy Hayman-Marsaw plainly knows what's what here, because she leads off with all those sexy men who played both Hamlet and Holmes. At least the big names, anyway. And I've even got that great "221B or not 221B" t-shirt that I usually save for 221B Con, so if there's Hamlet/Holmes merch, you know that's got some sexiness in it somewhere.

But hey, while some may think of Hamlet as "old school" sexy, for me, you have to go Spock. Spock has had sexy-Sherlock going in current culture a lot longer than Hammy boy. Charles Prepolec knows where slash fiction had its start, and in that field, saying "Sherlock Holmes is like Mr. Spock" rings as true as can be . . . Spock got there first.

Wait a minute! How did Hermione Granger get in here? Amy Thomas, what do you think you're doing? Yes, yes, Hermione has been in the 221B Con burlesque show multiple times. But we're only exploiting males as sex objects tonight. Yes, Hermione does have that mystery pedigree like Holmes. And her Watsons. Well, if we're going to be totally objectifying men tonight, I guess their intellects are getting ignored as well, which means . . .

Hermione wins!!

One or two more of these and we're finally to the finals of the Miss "Sherlock Holmes Is Like" pageant.

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