Friday, August 12, 2022

Most Sherlockian wrestlers?

With the Legion of Zoom presenting "Houndamania!" on September 3, it seemed only fitting that I do a little Sherlockian blogging while AEW Rampage was running on TNT tonight. And as the matches rolled on, I had to wonder: Who should a Sherlockian be rooting for here?

Now, I immediately want to give that roll to Orange Cassidy, because "Orange" is kind of a key word to a great Sherlock Holmes tale. And Orange Cassidy's most impressive feat is when he starts wrestling with his hands casually tucked into the pockets of his blue jeans. And you don't have to go far into the Canon to find "Holmes was standing on the door-step, with his hands in his pockets . . ." Holmes likes putting his hands in his pockets. And is Cassidy's hair too far into the orange spectrum to not qualify him for the Red-Headed League? He could still apply, I'm thinking.

Oh, Parker Monroe just did some bad things to Orange after Cassidy was betrayed by a woman. That just sounds like the name of a potential Canonical villain, doesn't it?

But that closed out tonight's wrestling, so let's consider some other superstars Sherlockianly.

Well, Howard Ostrom would love me to get Dannhausen in here, and I would too, but trying that goblin in human form to Sherlock Holmes is wayyyy to tricky.  The folk in the Canon tend to shriek out their curses, but Dannhausen does his with a silent gesture. So we'll move on from there.

CM Punk? Nothing there. 

Thunder Rosa? Better! She main have no obvious ties to Salvator Rosa, the Italian painter we saw mentioned in The Sign of the Four, but "thunder" is very Canonical. Thunder Rosa's biggest flaw is that she leads us to her nemesis, Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D. Canonical last name? Check! British reference in her first name? Check! An "almost M.D." doctor? Check! But ooooooh, I don't want to like her.

Bobby Fish? Bah. Chris Jericho? Good old "Y2J?" Sorry. So many that just don't work.

Though I have to come back to Dannhausen, and the targets of so many of his jests, the sons of wrestler Billy Gunn, who will be remembered for wrestling in the eighties with the words "ASS MAN" on the rear of his trunks. And what does Dannhausen call the Gunn sons to get under their skin?

"The Ass Boys." The sons of Mr. Ass. Now, this would seem like a very unlikely qualification until you dig into the Canon Holmes, where only two men self-describe as "an ass." One in "Reigate Squires" and one in "Bruce-Partington Plans." Want to venture a guess as to who the Canon's "ass boys" are?

You know who it had to be, to rate mentioning Dannhausen's "Ass boys" in this blog: Holmes and Watson. The Victorian "ass boys." Going strictly by the Canon.

I still gotta go with Orange Cassidy, though.

1 comment:

  1. "In the ring, and even in the depths of their voluntary ignominy, wrestlers remain gods because they are, for a few moments, the key which opens Nature, the pure gesture which separates Good from Evil, and unveils the form of a Justice which is at last intelligible." -Roland Barthes, Mythologies (1957)

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