Vaudeville Watson: "What's the difference between @#%&$ and a Christmas goose?"
Vaudeville Holmes: "One of them is most unimpeachable!"
Vaudeville Watson: "How is getting a loan on a beryl coronet better than #$%&@ holding a leadership position?
Vaudeville Holmes: "Because the security on the beryl coronet loan is unimpeachable!"
Vaudeville Watson: "Say, Holmes, when you were out chasing the Hound of the Baskervilles, it seemed to me that you were a lot like @#$*%$ $%#&#!"
Vaudeville Holmes: "Oh, really Watson, why is that?"
Vaudeville Watson: "Because you both had two tinned-peaches!"
Vaudeville Holmes: "If you go for the Ikey Sanders joke, I will kill you."
Vaudeville Watson: "But Holmes, Ikey Sanders only practiced what he peached!"
(Vaudeville Holmes starts beating Vaudeville Watson with his deerstalker.)